He is an equal opportunity slut.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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