Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
