Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
