dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
