im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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