You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
