i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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