you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
