Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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