Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
