He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
