Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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