dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
