yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
