How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
