Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
