Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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