Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
