dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
