I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
