Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
