I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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