Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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