theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
