I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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