the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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