Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Houston, we have a squirter
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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