I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
