So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
