so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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