She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
