I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize