FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
