so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
