Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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