I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
