i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
