"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
