your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
