Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
well you can't waste a boner
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
