my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
