I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
