for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
