420 ftw
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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