you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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