I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
