Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
