pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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