now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
is it fun? or sober?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize