I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
