My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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