I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
