Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
