He disabled his match.com account in front of me
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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