Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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