i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
