Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
