All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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