The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
