I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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