i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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