You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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