if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
