He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
