Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
