I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
