I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize