there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
