I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
