I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
