Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
it's like iHOP with fire
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
