You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My pussy is not your playground.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Randomize
