i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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