The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
