I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
